Often in psychological circles the phrase “having healthy boundaries” comes up in reference to clients interacting with others, be it family members, friends, or the wider public. I have noticed that many times, clients don’t really understand what that means. We know what the words mean, obviously, but how do we actually have healthy boundaries?
Read moreTIP Skills
This is a series of four skills or techniques that together can be remembered with the acronym TIP. They each help to change the emotional state through very physical or behavioral means because as you may have noticed if you’ve ever been in a state of heightened emotion, bringing in the cognitive skill (thinking) is extremely hard to do if not impossible.
Read moreBurn some Bridges!
The concept of Bridge Burning is to remove the means of acting on harmful urges or behaviors.
Read moreUrge Surfing
Imagine a surfer on the waves. She waits patiently for the swell, she paddles out to meet it and then she rides the wave, after which she returns to waiting for the next wave. This is the image you might use when thinking about and using Urge Surfing.
Read moreSelf-Soothe
This month, I urge you to try the skill of “Self Soothe”. It is both a distress tolerance skill as well as a general stress relieving skill and an important part of your daily routine--not just something you do on special occasions.
Read moreDo Something Pleasant
One very important skill in both Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as well as Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is Build Positive Experience. Try to do at least one thing every day to make yourself feel competent and in control.
Read moreSelf Soothe
This month's Skill of the Month is all about taking care of ourselves by engaging in soothing activities. Using self-soothing activities for ourselves when we are in an emotionally heightened state proves to be a very effective way to reduce emotional reactivity and increase relaxation. Additionally, it is a useful skill that increases our engagement with our environment.
Read moreEncouragement
Cheerleaders have the task of keeping the audience engaged, entertained, and to help the athletes stay motivated in the game, even when things are not looking so good for the team. It's a hard job to keep spirits up when it looks like you're losing. The idea behind Encouragement is just that, though.
Read moreWise Mind
The majority of the time a question has been asked or a decision must be made, it is not life or death. We really do have time to consider before answering or deciding. This month's skill helps us to step back and consider carefully before jumping into an impulsive act that we may later come to regret.
Read moreTake a Vacation!
I wrote this post a week ago because I knew that today I would be on vacation and not want to do any kind of "work". So, it's not surprising that I would be thinking about this skill. I am on a literal vacation but the skill of Vacation doesn't have to be literal.
Read moreOpen Hands
Today's Skill of the Month is a rather clever tool to use when negative things are coming your way. This skill again comes from DBT and in that format, Dr. Marsha Linehan refers to it as "Willing Hands". I call it "Open Hands" because it actually helps you to know what it is you're trying to do--keep your hands open.
Read moreOpposite Action
We know from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that our thoughts affect our feelings (when we think negatively, we feel worse and when we think more positive or realistic thoughts, we feel better). Similarly, the concept of opposite action suggests that when we DO the opposite of the way we feel, we can change our mood, too!
Read moreRadical Acceptance
Radical acceptance is, in a nutshell, "radically" (all the way) accepting what is reality. This is deceptively simple, but so powerful when implemented. Radically accepting something does not mean you agree with it or think it is justified.
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